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Giovanni's Law
Giovanni's Law was conceived in 1897, on the exact date of the creation of the first taxi in history. It was first thought up by the Brazilian philosopher Francesco Giovanni as he observed the way that the taxi driver took the worst and most dangerous route possible in order to transport their passengers. It was expanded upon further by Gerson Martinez Dias De Oliveira, the Italian philosopher, as he observed Giovanni's writings and immediately developed an erection. Rule One: Cab+Driver=Idiot The first rule of Giovanni's Law, and the only rule that was actually created by that man, is Cab+Driver=Idiot. It observes the way that two not-particularly idiotic things can become stupid when combined into one. This law caused much debate in the courts, as Giovanni attempted to have it passed through, and cab drivers everywhere attempted to have him ripped into 67 pieces. However, the rule was passed as the judge was made a paraplegic by a man who tacked him in a game of rugby, and he was feeling especially bitter. Giovanni was eventually locked in prison two years later, in 1899, as Crazynumnums framed him for the kidnapping of the five orphans who had escaped his grasp. He died, locked away, after dropping the soap. As a man helped him to pick it up, Jay-Jay the Jet Plane dropped five grenades on the jail, vaporising everyone inside instantly. Rule Two: Cab+Passenger=Idiot The first of the two rules created by Gerson Martinez Dias De Oliveira, Cab+Passenger=Idiot was established nearly forty years later. Dias De Oliveira, after discovering the writings of Giovanni, developed both intense sexual gratification and the knowledge of two new brain cells. Considering the idea of Rule One (which had quickly lost all controversy after Giovanni's swift death), Dias De Oliveira thought of the new rule after watching an episode of ''FakeTaxi. ''It is suspected by authorities that Crazynumnums travelled through time to give him that episode, as FakeTaxi was not established until 2004, 67 years later. Rule Three: Driver+Passenger=Idiot Gerson Martinez Dias De Oliveira, enlightened to the wonderful world of pornography, took to the streets to discuss his new rule with anyone who would listen, which was nobody. Unfortunately for him, nobody seemed to be interested in the written ramblings of a long-dead philosopher. Despondent, Martinez took the wet, depressing walk home. But, as is wont to happen in these scenario, another life-changing moment occurred. He took a moment to look up from the ground, and saw the exact kind of vehicle that had caused him so much pain and frustration: a cab. Driven mad by the maligned nature of his findings, he rushed towards the cab, hoping to hit it enough that it stopped working. However, two things happened: first, the passenger stepped out of the cab, attempted to walk away, and slipped face-first into a haphazardly placed puddle of acid, causing permanent facial injuries. Two, the driver stepped out, and seeing what Martinez was about to do, ran over to stop him. However, the way that the driver stopped him was with his face. Martinez punched the driver so hard that he fell underneath the wheel of his cab. Under any other set of cirucumstances, this would have been fine. However, as stated by Rule One, Cab+Driver=Idiot. The driver had placed his car into neutral, instead of park, and the vehicle slowly rolled over his head, giving him a suitably slow death. But Martinez had no time to mourn. These two events, occurring so close together, gave him the final piece of his puzzle: passengers and drivers actually had a negative effect on each other. He rushed home, and wrote the final rule of Giovanni's Law down, intending to share it with the rest of the world once again. But he realised that nobody would care. Unable to share his passions with the rest of the world, his mood shifted to depression once again. His eyes moved around the room, and stopped on the Tide Pod, resting innocently on his desk, undoubtedly placed there by Crazynumnums also. Martinez ingested the pod, and died soon thereafter. His work was later shared to the world by Krummin himself, at the request of Crazynumnums.